Bad Timing
by JA Baker
Summary: Sam get’s promoted, Jack makes his move, hilarity ensues… [SamJack & DanielJanet]
1. Trust Thor to ruin the moment…

**Author:** Jeff Baker (aka, Jeff-B, JA Baker, Sinister Dexter)  
**Pairing:** Jack/Sam  
**Rating:** PG  
**Archive:** Just ask me first.  
**Feedback:** Would be grateful.  
**E-mail:** jap_baker@hotmail.com  
**Disclaimers:** If I owned it, I'd not be writing fan-fiction now would I.  
**Summary:** Sam get's promoted, Jack makes his move…

**Spoilers:** None

**Note:** I know that I got a few things wrong with USAF rankings and such, but that due to my minimal knowledge of military maters.****

Bad Timing 

"So how is Colonel Carter doing today?" Asked a voice from the doorway, making Sam jump at an important time in her experiment: the first domino fell, and all the others went after it, snaking across the desk, setting off the carefully constructed traps and pitfalls as they went, resulting in a smoke-ring drifting up from a conical flask as a lighter fell into it. Sam grabbed a fire extinguisher from the floor and used it to put of the flames before the smoke alarm went off.

Jack smiled, "This is what you get up to when you're 'working' in your lab on down-time?" Sam blushed, "I can't help it: Jonas spent the past two days going through the back-log of tests. I swear the guy never sleeps!" She stopped suddenly and turned to face Jack, "Did you just say *Col.* Carter?" Jack came sharply to attention, "Samantha Carter, by order of the President of the United States of America, you have, as of this date, been promoted to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel, with all the rights and privileges there in." He smiled, "Congratulations Sam. I wanted to be the one to tell you, and Hammond said it was ok, as long as he get's to pin the eagle on your shoulder." He handed over an envelope.

Sam read the letter, "But won't this brake up the team?" Jack grinned, "I'm sorry to brake this to you, but I am a *full* Colonel, and although we are now technical the same rank, I still have seniority: SG-1 stays together." Sam saw a glint in his eye, "When you say that we are 'technical the same rank'…" Jack smiled, moving closer, "Certain rules no longer apply, if we don't want them to." Sam leaned back against her desk, smiling, "So, if we wanted to do something about something that we had wanted to do something about for a long time, we could do something about it."

Jack shook his head, "Ok, give me a second here." Sam laughed as he pretended to go through the motions of working out what she had just said. He suddenly took a step forward, closing the gap between the, coming to rest against her, "I think that there is something that we really should do something about, don't you?" Sam smiled, enjoying the feel of his body against hers, "Yes, Jack, I think we should." Jack leaned down to kiss her, and closed his eyes.

He hit the bard deck with a thump, sending jolts of pain from his knees all the way up his back. He instantly knew what had happened, and punched the deck, sobbing slightly, "You really have to learn to call first!"

Thor tilted his head to the side, "Is something wrong, Colonel O'Neill?"

The End


	2. O’Neill’s revenge…

**Author:** Jeff Baker (aka, Jeff-B, JA Baker, Sinister Dexter)  
**Pairing:** Jack/Sam  
**Rating:** PG  
**Archive:** Just ask me first.  
**Feedback:** Would be grateful.  
**E-mail:** jap_baker@hotmail.com  
**Disclaimers:** If I owned it, I'd not be writing fan-fiction now would I.  
**Summary:** Sam get's promoted, Jack makes his move…

**Spoilers:** None

**Note:** This is a 'for the fans' story: so many people wanted a sequel, this may be the only way to shut them up. I know that I got a few things wrong with USAF rankings and such, but that due to my minimal knowledge of military maters. I'll get it bate-read ASAP.

**PS:** Congratulations to Michael and Lexa on tying the knot.

****************************************

Bad Timing 2 

Thor tilted his head to the side, "Is something wrong, Colonel O'Neill?"

Jack sat back against the wall, shaking his head, "Thor, you know I like you, and you've saved my butt enough times that I am eternally indebted to you, but you have to stop with the beaming me out without warning. Couldn't you radio ahead or something?" Thor was confused, "Was this a bad time for you?" Jack laughed, "You have **NO** idea how bad." He looked up, "But there is a way you could make it up to me. Listen, this is what I need you to do…"

****************************************

Sam put the phone down: General Hammond had confirmed her promotion to Lt Col., and had promised to get onto deep space tracking to see if there was an Asgard ship in orbit. She had kept quite about what had been about to happen when Jack had been teleported out, but she could tell by Hammond's tone of voice that he had a fair idea.

"Knock! Knock!" Janet Fraiser stood in the doorway; "The General filled me in on what happen to Jack. So, what exactly where you two doing when it happened?" Sam blushed, "He was just congratulating me on my promotion." Janet grinned, "And I'm the great and all powerful Oz. Come on Sam, I want details!"

Sam smiled as her friend closed the door, "We where jut about to kiss." Janet laughed, "Well it's about time! I've spent, what, six years? watching the two of you dance around your feelings for each other! So, how far did you get before the Asgard did their 'beam me up Scotty' routine?" Sam smiled, "Well, we hadn't kissed, but we where about to, and he said that it was time we did something about the way we felt…"

She never finished the sentence: a bright flash of light enveloped her, and she was gone. Janet walked over to the phone on the wall, "General, Lt. Col. Carter has left the building." She reported with a smile.

****************************************

Sam blinked: she was standing in front of a large pond, a wooden dock leading out to an old fishing boat. "So you made it then, finally." She span round to see Jack, leaning in the doorframe of a wooden cabin, a huge grin on his face. Sam was shocked, "What just happened?" Jack smiled, walking towards her, "Thor decided he owed me one, and as this wasn't in breach of the Protected Planets treaty, he did me a little favour." Sam blinked as Jack stopped just in front of her, "Where are we?"

Jack smiled, "My cabin, several hundred miles from anyone who may interrupt us." Sam shook her head, "But the base, the General is going to freak." Jack smiled, "Thor's going to explain it to him, in his own special way." He gently put his arms on her shoulders, "Sam, just shut up and kiss me."

****************************************

General Hammond was sat on the toilet, the sports pages of the _Colorado Springs Tribune_ in front of him, when there was bright flash.

Thor nodded, "Greetings, General Hammond."

The End

(And I mean it this time!)


	3. One thing led to another…

**Author:** Jeff Baker (aka, Jeff-B, JA Baker, Sinister Dexter)  
**Pairing:** Jack/Sam, Daniel/Janet  
**Rating:** PG/PG-13 (ish)  
**Archive:** Just ask me first.  
**Feedback:** Would be grateful.  
**E-mail:** jap_baker@hotmail.com  
**Disclaimers:** If I owned it, I'd not be writing fan-fiction now would I.  
**Summary:** Plot? There's a plot? I thought it was just to shut the fans up!!!

**Spoilers:** Series 6/7

**Note:** Why won't you people let me stop!!!!! Ok, this is IT! This is the last time I am adding a chapter to this story: I have people on at me to finish a major Andromeda fic that I've been writing for ages, and I really need to work on it.****

**********************************

Bad Timing 3 

Daniel walked along the corridors, at a loss with what to do with himself: ever since he 'de-ascended', he'd been having trouble getting back into the swing of things. The others had been helpful, at lest, as much as they could: it was difficult to explain things to them in ways they would understand.

He found himself wondering into the infirmary, "Hay Janet, where is everybody?" Janet looked up, "Well, Jack went to tell Sam that she'd bee promoted, almost kissed her, and then got beamed-up Thor. I went to see Sam about what had almost happened between her and Jack, and she got beamed-up. General Hammond went to the toilet, and then got beamed-up by, no-doubt at Jack's request. I think that makes me acting base commander."

Daniel smile for the first time in days, "So, what's is your first order?" Janet smiled, "I order you to keep what I'm about to do secret." She opened the bottom draw of her desk, and pulled out a bottle of scotch, followed by two glasses, "Now understand, this is for medicinal purposes only!" She insisted, a slight glint in her eye, "You've been trough a lot Daniel, and you need to relax." She handed Daniel a glass.

"Well, if it's an order from my Doctor, and commanding officer, how can I refuse." Responded Daniel, taking the glass as Janet poured another for herself, "What shall we drink to?" Janet lifted her glass, "To Sam and Jack: the sure did take their sweet time!" Daniel nodded, "To Sam and Jack!"

**********************************

Sam rested her head on Jack's shoulder, "Well, that was definitely worth the wait." Jack smiled, running a hand through her hair, "I aim to please. I must say, I was surprise to find out you where, after much speculating in the men's locker-room, a natural blond." Sam reached back and hit him with a pillow, "Hay! Watch it! So, anyway, where do we go from here?" Jack looked down at her, "Would asking you to marry me be to forward?" Sam looked up, shocked, "Huh?" Jack smiled, "Samantha Carter, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" Sam's smile broadened to a grin, "Yes, Jonathan O'Neill, I will."

**********************************

General Hammond sighed: Thor had finally agreed to send him back to the SGC, but only on the condition that he left Jack and Sam alone for the weekend. He stood in the center of the circle the Asgard fleet commander informed him was the teleporter, and tried to relax. The flash of light enveloped him, and he found himself in a dark room.

He was able to find the door by way of the light leaking in at the bottom, and found the light switch, then wished he hadn't, "Dr. Fraiser, Dr. Jackson. No, don't get up, I'll find my own way out."

The End!

HA! That's it: I wipe my hands with the entire story! Stop bugging me, because that's all you get! Maybe that'll teach you to leave me alone from now on!"


	4. Double Double Double Trouble…

**Pairing:** Jack/Sam, Daniel/Janet (it gets complicated after that…)  
**Rating:** PG-13

**Note:** you can thank neodelta01hotmail.com for this…****

**Bad Timing 4: Double Double Double Trouble…**

"Well, things have certainly moved fast…" Daniel lent his head back against the wall.

"Yah think?" Jack rolled his eyes, "Six months ago we where both single. Now we're married…"

"To two attractive, smart and wonderful women…" Daniel pointed out

"To two attractive, smart and wonderful women," Jack nodded, "but still risking our lives at lest twice a week for a world that doesn't know its in danger."

"As is our life." Daniel shrugged, "I still don't get this: General Hammond called us down here, saying it was an emergency, and then keeps us waiting."

"You would rather be shoe shopping with Sam and Janet?" Jack shudder, "I'm glad we get hazardous duty pay…"

"Gentlemen." Hammond opened his office door, making the two SG-1 members jump, "You had better come inside." He ushered to the two men inside, "We recently received a communication from the Asgard: Loki has escaped and hijacked one of their most advanced prototype ships."

"And they told us this why?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

"They believe that he will return to Earth in an attempt to finish his work." Hammond steepled his fingers, "The Asgard are currently unable to leave a ship in orbit to watch for him, but they have erected a force-field around this complex that will stop Loki teleporting you out."

"Ok, that explains you calling in Jack." Daniel leaned forward, "But why me?"

"Thor seems to think that Loki holds all of SG-1 responsible for the failure of his research." Hammond rubbed his forehead, "I have sent a message to Teal'c, and SGC personnel are one their way to collect your wives."

"Shouldn't you have called them in at the same time?" Jack asked.

"I did issue orders to have all of you called to the base, but the Lieutenant responsible was confused by my simple order." Hammond frowned, "They are now on their way to a listening post in Alaska."

"That's evil." Jack smiled, "I like it."

* * *

"Colonel O'Neill please report to the infirmary. Dr. Daniel Jackson please report to the infirmary." The bases PA system warbled.

"The infirmary…" Jack raised an eyebrow, instantly worried.

"I don't like the sound of that." Daniel put down his coffee cup, "I don't like the sound of that at all."

The two men took off at a dead run, startling Tech's and guards as the bounded round corners and down the corridors. They almost ran into General Hammond as he waited for them outside the infirmary.

"Gentlemen, calm down." He bared the door, "Their perfectly ok, just…" He seemed lost for words, "You'd better see for yourself…"

Glancing at each other, Jack and Daniel burst through the door into the infirmary.

"Hey, don't worry, we're fine." Sam and Janet stood before them, sitting on the edge of a bed.

"So are we." Another pair of voice from across the room added.

Jack and Daniel slowly turned to see another, identically dressed Sam and Janet sitting on another bed.

"It appears that Loki got to them before we could." Hammond said from the doorway, "We're not sure why he did this, but he has…"

Daniel looked like a dear trapped in headlights, while Jack's mouth just opened and closed like a landed fish.

"I can not begin to understand the complexities of this, but we are unable to determine who the originals are, and who the clones are." Hammond sounded way out of his depth.

"It's a little more complicated than that." One of the Janet's said sheepishly, "I'm pregnant…"

"Funny you should say that." Both Sam's smiled, "So are we…"

There was a loud thump as Daniel and Jack hit the floor.

* * *

"You can stop laughing now Teal'c: it's not that funny." Jack glared at the reneged Jaffa, "And since when do you gain a sense of humour?"

"I am sorry O'Neill: but this goes beyond anything I have seen before." Teal'c grinned, "The…" He thought for a second, "6 of you have been truly blessed."

"Yeah, sure, 'blessed'" Daniel sat with his head resting table, "There are times I wonder why I continue to work here…"

**To Be Continued?**

_There is the possibility of a 5th and (defiantly final) chapter. We'll just have to wait and see…_


	5. Heaven or Hell?

**Bad Timing 5: Heaven or Hell**

"Gentleman, I am appalled by your actions." General hammed sat behind his desk like a schoolteacher, "Do you have anything to say in your defence?"

"We just need a little time away from 'Them'." Jack looked like he hadn't slept in days, "You've no idea what it's like when there are two of each of them."

"They're everywhere at once, and they agree on everything." Daniel complained, "There's no escaping them!"

"Ra, Apophasis, Anubis, anything but another hour of two lots of identical women talking about what colour to paint the nursery." Jack begged, "They're a force of nature: there's no stopping them!"

"We just need a few hours alone." Daniel looked like he was about to cry, "For gods sake, have a heart!"

"If you wanted some time alone, you could have gone off-base." Hammond sat pokerfaced, "You know that you're wives are confined to the SGC until we sort everything out. Thor has promised that he will find out what Loki did…"

"Off-base isn't good enough: they phone us constantly!" Jack looked like a trapped rabbit, "Have you any idea how much chocolate two Samantha O'Neill's get through? They're going to bankrupt me!"

"The Janet's are just as bad." Daniel moaned, "And they've got Cassie on their side! I swear to god that my step-daughter wants to kill me."

"We need to get off-world sir!" Jack looked hopeful, "Anything: I'll personally kiss the feet of every member of the Tok'ra Council! Anything!"

"I'm afraid that the Tok'ra Council have requested that the two of you remain on Earth until further notice." Hammond had a mischievous glint in his eye, "I think Jacob is a little worried that you would run out on his daughter, make that daughters, given the situation."

"Is there any chance that we could transfer to some remote listening post in Alaska?" Jack asked hopefully.

"Please General; our lives our in your hands." Daniel sank to his knees, "For the love of humanity, save us!"

"And why would I want to do that?" Hammond asked, "With two Samantha O'Neill's around, our research into Naquada reactors has more than doubled. And having two doctors of Janet's calibre on call 24/7 has made our infirmary one of the best in the entire Air Force. No, I'm sorry gentlemen; but keeping your wives happy is a matter of planetary security."

"It was ok when there was only one of them." Jack collapsed into a chair, "Now I have two of them talking science all the time…"

"You think you've got it bad?" Daniel whimpered, "I even sneeze, and I've got two doctors ready to diagnose me with anything from the common cold to the Black Death!"

"Thing's can't be that bad?" Hammond asked, "There have to be some advantages?"

"Not you to?" Jack started to cry, "I've been getting dirty looks from half the people on this base as it is, asking me what two Sam's are like!"

"We can't show either of them any affection at all, not even a kiss on the cheek, without upsetting the other!" Daniel was curled up on the floor, "It's like walking through a hormonal minefield!"

"And if we go to one's ultrasound and not the other's, for whatever reason, we're accused of favouritism!" Jack put his head between his knees; "I can't take it anymore!"

"I'm sorry Gentleman, but this is out of my hands." Hammond had a huge grin on his face, "Who ever said married life would be easy?"

**The End?**

_I may, at some future point (if I want to torture Jack and Daniel some more), come back to this, but I'm not promising anything._


	6. Gone fishing

**Bad Timing 6: Gone fishing...**

"How long do you think we have?"

"Until they find us? Not long: chances are there's already a helicopter in the air and headed this way as we speak."

"Is there any point to us running again?"

"I somehow doubt it: we've probably got our own spy satellite by now. Want a beer?"

"Sure. You know, it's a little depressing that we have to go to such extreme lengths to get some time away from our wives. You think the General's going to be upset about what we did?"

"We cut power to the entire SGC, disabled the security overrides, knocked out two Special Forces guards, stole a HUMVEE and drove through a roadblock. What could he possibly be upset about?"

"Probably the amount of grief the girls are giving him: two Sam's and two Janet's is not something I'd like to face alone."

"Yeah, one thing you never really explained: why'd Janet keep her old name when you got married?"

"She didn't want to be Janet Jackson."

"Oh, got you."

"We considered Fraiser-Jackson, but that makes it sound like her middle name is Fraiser."

"Not so good, unless you're a Seattle radio shrink."

"Still can't believe you used to watch that show. _Cheers_ I could understand, but _Frasier_?"

"I'm not as dumb as I like to pretend."

"Glad to hear it."

"Are you trying to insinuate something?"

"Only that I was worried that someone as, and I use your own word here, dumb as you act a lot of the time could reach the rank of Colonel in the Air Force."

"Daniel, as much fun as it is to sit here and listen to my best friend insult me, we have a matter of perhaps minutes before a helicopter comes flying in to take us back to our beloved wives and all that that entails. Do you mind if I spend at least some of it fishing?"

"I'm not stopping you..."

The steady _whoop-whoop-whoop_ of an approaching helicopter drifted across the treetops, getting steadily louder.

"_Oh, for cryin' out loud!_" Jack dropped his rod and looked up at the sky, "Why, Lord? Why do you do this to me? Have I offended you somehow?"

"Probably." Daniel downed the last of his beer, "Oh well, back to the grindstone."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"I must congratulate you, gentleman." General Hammond looked at his two subordinates, "That has to be a new record: you were away for almost 48-hours."

"Yeah, the girls already told us." Jack sighed, "How'd they track us down this time?"

"Luck: neither of them thought that the two of you would be dumb enough to go to your cabin." The General smiled, "I hear that none collected the pot this time."

"Let us know when it gets up to a few thousand and we'll consider splitting it with you." Daniel smiled weakly, "I'm sorry sir, but we needed some time away. Things have been getting worse the closer they come to term."

"We're kind of worried about what to do if they both go into labour at the same time." Jack looked genuinely worried, "We can't be with both of them..."

"Thor assures us that there is no way to reverse what Loki did." Hammond sat down, "You can't put two gallons into a one gallon jug. They did offer to clone the two of you..."

"Been there, done that." Jack shook his head, "And there'd be an argument as to who got the original and who got the clone..."

"And do you really want to live in a world with 3 Jack O'Neill's?" Daniel smirked, "Sorry; inappropriate humour is a way of coping."

"As Teal'c would say: indeed." Jack glared at his friend, "Maybe I'll tell the Janet's about that bottle of scotch you've got hidden in your desk."

"And maybe I'll tell the Sam's about the case of Guinness you have hidden in your garage!" Daniel smiled, "Checkmate!"

"Gentleman, please." Hammond rubbed his eyes, "I will talk to your wives and see if I can arrange some time off for you. I'm not making any promises..."

"You pull that off, George, and I'll make you godfather!" Jack looked like a drowning man who'd been thrown a lifeline.

"_Colonel O'Neill please report to the infirmary._" The bases PA system warbled. "_Dr. Daniel Jackson please report to the infirmary_."

"Oh no." Daniels face fell, "It can't be..."

"Impossible." Jack cringed, "We should have at least another week or two..."

**To Be Continued?**

_As before, only if I want to torture them some moor..._


End file.
